Valentine’s Day is everywhere – in shop windows, on social media, in films and TV shows. It’s a day that’s marketed as a celebration of love, happiness, and romance. But if you’ve left an abusive relationship, this time of year can bring up complicated emotions and painful memories. At Women’s Health Matters, we understand that healing isn’t linear, and certain dates can be particularly challenging.
Why Valentine’s Day Can Be Difficult After Abuse
For many, Valentine’s Day might not just be about love – it can also be a reminder of past trauma. Here’s why it can feel especially tough:
Pressure to Show Love and Affection – There’s an expectation to express love on this day, even if you’re still healing and figuring out what love means to you now.
Reminders of ‘Good’ Times – Abusive relationships often have cycles of highs and lows. Valentine’s Day may remind you of the times your ex-partner showered you with gifts or affection, making you question your past decisions or feel confused.
Social Media & Unrealistic Expectations – It’s easy to scroll through picture-perfect posts of happy couples and start doubting yourself. But remember, social media rarely shows the full picture.
Loneliness & Isolation – If you’re rebuilding your life, this day can sometimes highlight feelings of loneliness, even though leaving was the right choice for your safety and well-being.
Grieving the Relationship – Even an abusive relationship is still a relationship. It’s natural to mourn what you hoped it could have been, even when you know leaving was necessary.
You’re Allowed to Feel However You Feel
There’s no ‘right’ way to feel after leaving an abusive relationship and no timeline for healing. Thinking about your past doesn’t mean you want to go back – it means you’re processing your experiences, which is an important step forward.
Ways to Take Care of Yourself This Valentine’s Day
If this time of year is bringing up difficult emotions, here are some ways to nurture yourself and reclaim the day in a way that feels right for you:
1. Self-Care, Your Way
Whether it’s putting on a facemask, watching your favourite film, having a bath, or going for a walk, do something that brings you comfort and joy. You deserve kindness – especially from yourself.
2. Talk About It
Reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or support group. If you need professional support, don’t hesitate to seek it. You don’t have to go through this alone.
3. Feel Your Feelings
You don’t need to put on a brave face. If you feel like crying, let yourself. Crying releases oxytocin and endorphins – your body’s natural stress-relievers. Honour whatever emotions come up.
4. Celebrate Love in All Forms
Love isn’t just about romantic relationships. Celebrate the love you share with friends, family, pets, or even the love you’re building for yourself. Valentine’s Day can be about all the connections that bring warmth to your life.
5. Reflect on Your Strength
Look at how far you’ve come. The courage it took to leave an abusive relationship is immense, and every step forward is a testament to your strength. Take a moment to recognise your resilience and growth.
You Are Not Alone
Valentine’s Day can be a difficult reminder of the past, but it doesn’t define your future. At Women’s Health Matters, we’re here to support and empower women on their journey to healing. Whatever you’re feeling this Valentine’s Day, know that your emotions are valid, and you are never alone.
If you need support, please reach out. You deserve safety, love, and a future filled with hope. 💜
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